Released in March 1993, Zen: Intergalactic Ninja is one of those quality NES games loosely based on an obscure comic book. Apparently in the comic Zen spends all of his time whacking things to death with his stick, slowly jumping onto small moving platforms, and falling through collapsing caverns for no good reason; all while doing nothing of actual value to the world. This action is faithfully reproduced in the game, making the name a bit of a misnomer, since the numerous one-hit kills and unresponsive controls can easily lead a reasonable adult into a blinding rage within seconds.
Best time: 0:19:20 by Adrian 'InsipidMuckyWater' Feiertag on 2006-08-12.
Author's comments:
This is a no-deaths run of the 'much revered' NES game, Zen: Intergalactic Ninja. Okay, so the game is universally considered abominable by even novice game designer standards, but it's the thought that counts.
Zen was not, by any means, an enjoyable speedrun experience. The game seems like a cross betwixt your standard Konami TMNT game and Contra, 'cept you're an alien, and the designers showed no concern for the player.
I'm calling this a mercenary run, because I never played nor owned the game prior to deciding to run it. Bored one summer day, I pilfered through a local game retailer's selection, saw Zen, figured it would be relatively easy enough, and bought it solely for the purposes of speedrunning. Of course, I was dead wrong, regarding the difficulty.
The run was done out-of-the-box, so nothing was altered in the options menu. Even though the run was therefore performed on Normal difficulty, I couldn't imagine the game being significantly more difficult than it already was.
The first four levels can be played in any order, although two bonus games and an extra level will be placed between your selected levels, as you go. After these seven challenges, one then endures a falling sequence and then a gauntlet of five bosses, resulting in a total of thirteen obnoxious levels.
Note: While I can perform a flip-over-the-shoulder move, intended to do more damage than the standard attack, I often ignore the maneuver during boss fights, because slaughtering them with repeated standard attacks ultimately proves much quicker. While Zen may only appear to make three attacks, for instance, I may have pushed the button nine times, resulting in greater incurred damage.
Okay, onto the run (these are not the actual level monikers, btw):
Ughhh... This was the most difficult of the first seven levels, so I chose to play it first to avoid tragic disappointment, later. Btw, I PURPOSELY RODE THROUGH THE FIRST ROCKBED; for some reason, I always received damage, even if I jumped it. Since this was the last run out of an exhausting four-hour playing session, I was simply far too irritated to bother with unbeneficial conventions.
After some more jumps and monotonous rocks, I take damage both from an unusually well placed boulder and also from one of the... disco mine rail barricades. This is common. Even though this level is the first section I practice every time I attempt a run, meaning I've probably practiced it realistically over 200 times, I just can never take less than two hits while on the cart, at some point or another. Luckily, nothing here hurts my time, so I'm not sure I really care.
Before long, I approach the endless series of gap-jumps. Mind you, I did this with a DVD recorder which was seriously exhibiting lag during this run, so if you questioned my skill up to now, you'd betta' recognize! None of these jumps were actually appearing on the screen at the same time they were being rendered in the game, but I obviously anticipated the timing enough to overcome the handicap.
To finish the level, I absolutely annihilated the boss.
Eh, I missed two. Unfortunately, I would've enjoyed the life max up, but I didn't need the ultra intensive meditation (life refill).
Back to side scrolling. You may notice I hesitate before climbing the second set of stairs; I did this because I recently realized in a previous run that I didn't need extraneous ultra intensive meditations (okay, that's going to be UIM from now on) since they don't accumulate past three, so I decided to skip the one to the left at this juncture, for the first time.
I don't think I need to explain what's happening in this level. Ahh, what the hell. Zen's first 'objective' is to rescue the firefighters/sailors/whoever they are who are helplessly trapped in the burning doors. Real humanitarian, that Zen. Maybe next time the fire extinguishers won't all be lying around in the hallways.
At one point, you'll notice I pace back and forth killing the little magikoopa smoke creatures; I did this to obtain an extra fire extinguisher, since the game designers apparently didn't think you could handle having enough of them for each door. As far as I know, this was the fastest method.
Shortly later, I skip an extra shield (which I surprisingly didn't need) at the top of the stairs, and I then free the last damsel in distress. From here, I have to ascend the congested tower to kill the rather mundane boss; you'll see I have discovered several safe shortcuts to do this, even though I'm hit by plenty of the seemingly sentient fireballs on the way.
The boss is a good example of the surprising proficiency of rapid standard attacks. His life gauge diminishes much more quickly than the proportion of actual attacks would suggest.
It took forever to get the hang of this. In any event, I only collect the UIM at the top because I have to reach the summit, anyway, in order to have "Lord Contaminous," chase me. I swear that's his real name.
While his random movements did cost me a couple of seconds (at most, I believe), I do think waiting for him on the rope instead of jumping back and forth between the buildings was the quickest way to kill him, again, because of rapid standard attacks (which would have been much less continuous if relegated to between jumps).
Yep, more of that quasi three dimensional view, again. This level is relatively simple, but it features a lovely variety of instant death opportunities.
For instance, when the jumping scheme begins, I could easily fall to my death, be grabbed by the claw, or be smashed by the following GIANT FLAT SQUISHING DEVICE, which the game designers thought would be appropriate to confront three consecutive times. I mean, for crying out loud.
The boss isn't particularly difficult once you know what should be done. Like the boss from the first level, jumping spins work extraordinarily well.
Perfect performance. Again, lag was working against me, so it was more difficult than it looked, as with everything in this game.
I ran this level last, because, as you might notice, it is the easiest.
Okay, what I'm SUPPOSED to do is attack the boss for a few seconds, jump down and rejuvenate some flowers (apparently by attacking them, no less), attack the boss some more, save some more flowers (keeping the meter from reaching zero), and repeat until the boss dies. However, I discovered the boss cannot withstand rapid standard attacks long enough to outlast the flowers, anyway. So yeah.
Mike Uyama, recently promoted SDA member, himself, even attested to the ridiculous difficulty this segment presented. After I wrote down Mr.NES's instructions in his faq on a stick-it note, reading either left, right, or middle, I memorized the pattern and executed it to survive this ill-conceived challenge.
This boss was most often responsible for ruining previous runs. If I approached him too quickly after he emerged from the slime, he'd geyser me with a jet of water which nearly always killed me (knocked me between platforms). He even hit me with it a couple of times in the run, but I managed to land on something or other, each time.
I would've been more liberal in pursuing him, but it just wasn't worth the risk of starting over. After I determined the pattern, I did quite well. I absolutely always use a UIM, here, so I'm not counting it against my run.
I was least familiar with this boss, but I'm pretty sure there isn't a definitive pattern which will successively work against him, anyway, so I think I did fairly well. You might be wondering why I didn't use the jump attack: I was trying to coax him into the top left corner of the arena, most of the fight, but it didn't work until late. In any case, I typically am hit twice just after a jump attack, so I don't save any life or time that way. UIM is also mandatory, here.
This was my least impressive fight. Granted, I'm not sure what I could've done to improve it in any general way, because Evil Zen does pretty well countering and anticipating one's attacks. Also, rapid standard attacks will NOT work against him, because he commonly utilizes the teleportation move which wastes several seconds and disorients the player. He uses the move nearly every time one touches him, so it really takes its toll.
While the wall glitch works for a while, it also wasn't really saving me much of any time, so I eventually let it go. Then I tried to make him imitate my jumps, but he quit cooperating after a short while. He's just a prick.
I'm thrilled I only needed one UIM, though, as I typically require two. Again, I think I did well.
If one just does at least a halfass job avoiding his assaults and persists with the rapid standard attacks, this fight almost cannot be difficult.
The final boss. If I do not eliminate a certain number of the vague, destructive entities he hurls towards earth, the 'pollution-o-meter' will reach 100%, and the game will be over. So, I make sure to kill the two nearest Lord Contaminous each pass, and I just persist with the rapid standard attacks, supplemented by the goofy outer-space physics which allow me to jump higher and fall slower. Honestly, as long as I surpass Evil Zen, the game is basically over.
Hooray for Eco-Power... yet ANOTHER unsatisfying NES game ending.
I hope you managed to find entertainment in this run of a profoundly terrible game. Please; do yourself a favor. Never even look at this game unless you're a top level masochist. It will only encourage it.